The kid has no blame here. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. April 10, 2012, 5:07 pm. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. So while support is gender-blind, the points that get you to the question of support arent, which kind of means support isnt either. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? It seems they are in a good place now, but I checked my mans texts and she still flirts with him and tries to get him back. I think this would cut down on a LOT of baby mama drama with regards to accusations of women getting pregnant on purpose or trapping me with a baby. Because no matter how much we feminists on here hate that bullshit, it DOES happen. Wow, thank you so much Lili. Tell you what sunshine I promise that when men carry the children you all can decide about terminating the pregnancy too irrespective of your partners wants then we will have that equality you want so bad. honeybeenicki He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Therefore, move on. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. We judge what people wear (what on earth was she thinking?? But it is a dickish move to get someone pregnant and then decide youre not going to be involved in that childs life. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. Add your answer to this question! Its not that fucking hard. Oops, it took so long that I thought my post was lost in space. He let you go. First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. This guy, you can most definitely live without. Its none of your business. Flexxie But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. iseeshiny He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. "Cry, vent and . Nice way to generalize. lets_be_honest Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. Dee S. Advocate Dont engage in the action. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. Youre wrong. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. It was definitely his decision too. Malarky. We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. Deal with it, ladies. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. female
Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. And oxygen. April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. Its not a comparable situation at all. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? ele4phant I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Thanks. Why you ask? But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. It is never the unborn childs fault. Men dont have those choices if they dont want the child. Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). If the woman is not required to support a child just like anyone else we were shocked given i was on bc & for me abortion/adoption was just out of the question . Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. SpaceySteph A Happy Life February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest The good news is that yours are a little less awful. Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? Sue Jones thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? April 9, 2012, 10:46 am, Im not even sure how to address this letter, so I guess step by step is a good way to go. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Of course life is unfair. All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? Has a great job. But just my guess. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? Well, I guess its good that you now know that you cant bear life without each other, but that seems a bit juvenile to me. lets_be_honest This is your CHILD. Its biology. It is scummy though. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. . It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Nothing in the story suggests that the guy in question was, as you put it, indiscriminate in partner choice and/or birth control. Because the woman in question has to take on being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, etc. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support. He says he cant stand her? If hes being deceived then hes a willing participant. Like I said, step back and evaluate this situation as if you were an outsider. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A
In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. And not because he deserved it for having possibly unprotected sex. Dr. Sherry. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. evanscr05 So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. Theres many reasons besides wanting a mans money to not get an abortion. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. Or maybe you feel like youre trapped between a rock and a hard place. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. April 9, 2012, 12:53 pm, He might very well be an immature asshole. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. In the same situation currently. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. illinois obituaries 2020 . But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). And finally we see what youre doing ranting about paternity laws and mens rights on a relationship advice site. Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? I think shes nothing but a little scroat. He did help create it. But I just don't know anymore. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. A scumbag? I really only mean exactly what I said. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. You have no idea what youre talking about, with regard to child support. Parasites are all the same. They came first. Even when they both want the same thing. ele4phant If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. If the man doesnt, apparently you feel that he should not have that option. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. A
But hes 40?! Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? He should have taken more precautions. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. bittergaymark Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. This child will have no father and while I dont feel bad for the parents, I feel very bad for this child. Dude, thats seriously out of line. ReginaRey I dont see anything wrong with his points. Chuck Pelto And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. original. 6napkinburger Seriously. Im sorry, but sex creates children. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Its not a mystery. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. But, you couldnt let him go. WTF are you reading? However, my point isnt that children should not be supported. Oh, good lord. The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. These people are the REAL zombies.. landygirl You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). We should use it more often. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Best of luck. Hed be out the door on you as well. Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Fyrebyrd2 Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. iseeshiny I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. What can you change? You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Hell pay for it but wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. That still has no impact on my main points. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. Id argue the country is not any better off for it, either. Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. lets_be_honest Second, regardless of what sort of cretin this dude is, the baby mama is no better. I had no idea. If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? You deserve each other! Consider that this child will be a drain on his resources, and possibly yours as well if you marry. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. A LW comment would at least help me to believe its valid. Iwannatalktosampson Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. Absolutely BOIL. You can get pregnant on birth control! How about equal right for, you know, everyone? But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two.
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